I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
