$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
