So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
