i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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