I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
