I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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