Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
