Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
