oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
