I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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