Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
