Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
