That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
