He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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