i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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