I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
