omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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