my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
