Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
