the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
