I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
too bad you live with your parents still
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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