Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
