I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
