i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
