So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
