i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
