My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
