Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this just has baby written all over it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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