well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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