Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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