New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
