After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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