I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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