I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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