I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
