Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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