I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
too bad you live with your parents still
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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