I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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