Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
