I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
