You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
