My sheets look like a crime scene.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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