Banned from zoo.
Again?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are my feet made of real feet?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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