Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
