I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
