This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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