i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
