No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
