Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
