isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
