I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
